Ah, home sweet fishbowl. Like it or not, the life of pastors and their families could be and has been described as such. Years ago, a book was published which accurately portrayed what life is like for the wives of pastors. While it was titled, Home Sweet Fishbowl, Confessions of a Minister’s Wife, it actually spoke for everyone in the pastor’s home. Even the most loved pastors and families, those who in turn love pastoring, feel the transparency of the walls around them.

Consider for a moment the synonyms provided by www.thesaurus.com for the entry: fish bowl. They are bastille, big cage, big house, big school, black hole, booby hatch, bucket, bull pen, caboose, cage, calaboose, can, cell, clink, concentration camp, cooler, county hotel, death house, detention camp, detention centre, doing time, dungeon, freezer, inside, jailhouse, joint, keep, limbo, lockup, mill, pen, penal institution, penitentiary, pokey, pound, prison, rack, reformatory, solitary, statesville, stir, stockade, tank. Even the definition provided there is uninviting: incarceration. Why, then, would this author, a minister’s wife,  choose such a description and title to portray the lives of pastors’ families?

To begin, let’s describe a fishbowl to support the illustration. A fishbowl is a small, defined space providing limited freedom in which its inhabitants may move around. A fishbowl is often placed in a prominent location so that it may be observed by all who enter the room. A fishbowl is a novelty – not the ideal living space for its inhabitants. A fishbowl naturally invites observers who become quickly amused by the activity. Fishbowl inhabitants are easily accessible, especially for their most frightening predators. Fishbowl inhabitants are frequently replaced, as the living arrangements are hostile and stifling.

In many ways, pastors and their families are like fish swimming around in glass bowls. They have keepers who picked them out at the pet store and brought them home as trophies. They have predators who watch them intently, anticipating the next attack. They have devoted friends who treasure them, who feed them, and who keep them safe. At any point in time, pastors and their families may find themselves in one of these relationships with laity.

So, how did this happen? How in the world did we get to the point that pastors and their families feel like fish in glass bowls?

• First of all, let’s consider the cultural aspect. In America, we worship and revere our CEO’s as long as they contribute to the bottom line, make us feel important, and make us look good. In the first century New Testament church, there are no CEO’s. In the 21st century, churches in America in particular have looked to the pastor as one who is the CEO of the church. Titles like Executive Pastor, Senior Pastor, and Main Pastor give credence to this idea.
• Secondly, there is the laity-driven factor. We love superstars. Turn on any television today, and you’ll find countless programs portraying the lives of celebrities. We can be up-close and intimately involved in the lives of people we don’t even know. It’s entertaining and provides an escape from our own realities. Even more enamoring is the revelation of any discretion of that public figure, even if it’s only a perceived indiscretion. Somehow, pastors and their families have become equally entertaining.
• Finally, much of the fishbowl life is pastor-driven. The love of money, power, and influence has created narcissistic pastors. They enjoy celebritydom and perpetuate that view of themselves. Not only this, their wives and children may enjoy the status and attention which comes with being in the public eye. Dangerously, pastors and families who embrace this identity will oftentimes protect it at all costs.

What now? Look back to the title of this blog: “the fishbowl: the heart of the pastor’s home”. A harsh reality is that there is no escaping the fishbowl life for the pastor and family. As the writers of this blog, our first inclination was to believe that we can’t change it. The truth is, we can’t escape it. We can certainly change it. With this blog, we hope to provide a valuable avenue for pastors and their families to be open about life in the pastorate. As a result, our desire is to also provide an avenue for laity to have a healthy look inside the bowl. We are acutely aware of the irony of creating such a blog, as we are inviting people to watch even more closely. Strengthening the relationships between pastors and laity requires such openness, though. In addition, through discussions from a pastoral perspective, we anticipate inspiring and building up all people as we address common passions, fears, victories, and life in general.

Welcome to our fishbowl!

kt